Midsummer Snow Shoveling

Do you know what I think about a lot? Because I feel like I am never not thinking. I haven’t quite reached the point of sleeping again yet, but there are starting to be really close to almost frequent times that I’m not awake, but even then still my little brain is whirling. Anyhoos, lately I’ve been thinking a lot about that viral analogy of depression being like shoveling snow (if you haven’t read it, you should and if you really can’t be bothered to find it or remember to find it, let me know and I’ll find it and send it your way…it will either be immediately or two days later at 3am).

So I’ve been thinking about that a lot and about this time I went to Canada as a kid. Lately, I’ve had an influx of new Canadian friends (new to me, probably not to the country) and one day, in what I hope was endearing but, probably actually just seemed very American in the bad kind of way, I was extremely panicked for a bride who was having an outdoor wedding. The forecast was calling for rain and temperatures in the low 30’s IN THE MIDDLE OF JULY. Obviously, I wanted to feel for her because rain is my ultimate concern (some time reminder me to tell you the Tim Allen tie in there), but also where the hell does she live that it is that cold in July?! I mean, really, who plans a wedding in Antarctica?! So I said “there, there” and that the rain really shouldn’t be her concern, rains blows through! but really maybe focus on some outdoor space heaters…all while trying to not be like “well, the faults kind of on you for picking a frozen tundra as an outside wedding venue…” Then either she or someone else pointed out the bride lives in Canada and I was full on an American thinking, “holy sh*t, Canada REALLY is cold all the time. F that.” Right about then I realized that they pointed out Canada thinking I’d connect the dots to the temperature being in Celsius….which I did, eventually, just unfortunately after I had already made some weather related remarks that ran along the lines of “bless her heart.”

Which is how my head worked it’s way around to shoveling depression snow and Canada. That really could have used a better transitions, but bear with me, I’m rusty. So, anyways, when I was in like 4th grade we went to Canada and after, honest to God, sticking a stick in a pail of syrup hanging from a tree then rolling it in the snow to eat in some Narnia like only less charming forest (which I now realize is what imagine that poor bride’s wedding venue was going to be like minus the murderous snow queens bc like the American stereotype, I totally buy into the super nice Canadian one).

We all pile back onto the tour bus to drive a billion kilometers (that probably really only actually converts to like 3.2 miles or something) back to the hotel. Out there in this nowhere that to me, as a Southerner, seemed exactly as depicted in the Olympic opening games, there were houses dotting the landscape that all had crazy colored roofs; I’m talking colors of the stucco homes in the Bahamas or down here on Rainbow Row except it was only the roofs. As a boring adult, part of me wonders if someone just really wanted to show that HOA a thing or two with some creative loophole on painting shingles that took off in the neighborhood. Back then being the opposite of a boring adult who ponders HOA requirements, this overly energetic, inquisitive child asked the guide. I kid you not, they paint the flipping roofs of the houses, REAL LIFE SIZE TWO STORY HOUSES, different, brightly, easily identifiable colors SO THEY CAN IDENTIFY THEIR HOMES WHEN IT SNOWS. Think about that. So much snow that they can only spot their roofs in the white. Even as a child I have a whole bunch of “oh hell no’s” right then and there.

And it just makes me think how hard it has to be to be depressed in Canada. Partly, that’s me making jokes, but on the serious, it is this constant visual that is now attached to the depression analogy of shoveling snow. It seems so vivid and real and I wish everyone could be trying to get circulation back into their fingers while already perplexed that anyone considers that stick you just had a dessert or that anyone lives in that cold voluntarily only to be given the explanation that even more snow comes, more snow than you could ever imagine because you have to paint your fucking roof to find a house in it. There’s just that much GD snow. How different would everything be if everyone could attach a visual like that to our mental disease?

Except all this was about Celsius and not Fahrenheit and it only gets brought up for discussion when someone can’t handle the snow and that is no good because sometimes it does snow in July. And sometimes it doesn’t even occur to you to convert degrees to the metric system just like it doesn’t even occur to you that you’re sad. And yes, I know “sad” is a grossly simplified descriptive word in this instance.

Have you missed me circling back around because there’s a point, I swear? Well, here we go. Somewhere in all of these changes it didn’t occur to me to convert the degrees. I worried about the snow not the rain even though the snow didn’t exist.

As a writer, as a creative type, as someone who makes things (or in the realms of domestics destroys or burns things) I’d go mad if I didn’t have an outlet. Yeah, I know, the blog is sparsely blah but blogging doesn’t pay bills so the creativity freedom became the habit of a notebook (that couldn’t be electronically linked to anything else as intellectual property). And only recently did I realize that the notebooks were forgotten along with the umbrellas for the very real rain that was coming while I started stockpiling heaters for the snow that didn’t exist. Once that realization dawned on me everything clicked into place like I had switched my iPhone location to Ontario.

None of this is cohesive, there is no flow, but….it isn’t hidden in my head either. So to the bartender who wasn’t tending bar that made me cry when he said I sucked at pinball (total lies, by the way), I very unstealthy stole brownies on my way out that I forgot about and later found (like legit regular brownies bc I’m a fat kid who loves cake not the kind of brownies you’d guess were in a bar on a weekend night) that reminded me you said I used to write stellar stuff. Even though I think you may have some questionable scales of talent since you clearly don’t recognize my pinball abilities, thank you. Oh! Let’s really mix the metaphors and go for broke! You were my symbolic bright pink roof in the middle of the snowstorm. Thanks for reminding me to find my way home to the written word. Promise to dust off the rust, no promises on terrible puns, rambling takeaways, or mixed metaphors. Most definitely no promises on proofing or punctuation….

Day 37 of WTH Am I Doing: No Power For You

I’m starting to realize why people skip through loop holes and build illegal tiny houses. Just going to be honest, this is hands down my breaking point. It’s been, what 3 weeks without indoor plumbing? (that part really isn’t that bad and was maybe more my fault then circumstances) Now rounding out 2 weeks without electricity.

Checking out of Motel 6 today, I told myself I can stand on my head. It’s just two days. Monday, the power will be on. The thought that it could be Thursday of next week, IF EVER, until I get power is crippling. I do not know that I can keep it together that long. At this point why did I even bother with the RV? I could just be living in some stupid tent with better airflow and no stupid, overly expensive, special bunk sized mattress! 

Luckily, the universe was looking out for me. Just before I learned there’s no power for me, one of my AMAZING sisters sent me a hotel confirmation. At the time I was all “I couldn’t! This is too much!” Then the news of the power came and I sang a different tune. Clearly, I was wrong. My cheap motels this last week were a bad plan. THIS HOTEL IS PHENOM. This hotel is the best thing ever. 

I’m spending my weekend studying zoning laws and ordinances in prep for my meeting next week. 
It is thrilling to be involved with the possible changes of tiny houses. You know me, I’m all over being involved (strangers, if you don’t know me, I’m overly involved). I just happened to be the right go getter in the right place to be around to discuss. Changes take time, but maybe in the meantime we can maybe let me have a meter from the power company. Straight up asked “if I promise not to build anything right now, could I get electricity?” That’s a direct quote. They have to get back to me on that one. Great. Thanks. 

Day 32 of WTH Am I Doing Pt. 2:

All settled in with the comforts of civilization on the way! The driveshaft is back in, the RV moved to its final stop on my lot. Tomorrow AC! Turns out I don’t need floors for plumbing! Floors tomorrow when there’s electricity to saw them! I should probably make this painfully clear, when I say “floors” I don’t mean like flooring I mean like we had to do some maneuvering so that Mizzou didn’t just hop on out. Like I can clearly see the grass, in need of flooring.
I’m melting. There was a lot of time spent in the car today. If the Creatures were better behaved, I would have taken us all to the movies to just have some air. Tomorrow Mizzou will spend the day at the vet. Aretha has given her final FU to the RV and gone back to being an outside cat. She’s just chilling in the little woods across the street. She’ll probably crawl on up through one of the holes when she feels like it. In fact, she just meowed to have me open the cab door for her. The sun has gone down, hopefully the temp will follow. 9pm is within range which means it’s almost bedtime for all of us in the hot tin can! One more night and almost there! AC on the horizon! Indoor plumbing to follow! Seriously, how is this my life right now.

Day 32 of WTH Am I Doing: My Brief Encounter with AC and Power

Praise Jebsus of Cheddar Cheese! The generator has arrived! With the hopes of cooler or at the very least circulating air, I’m snagging a shower. The idea of being cleaned has me feeling frisky enough for a game of “stabbed or amazing tacos” then overseeing the driveshaft installation and the awning opening to stop the RV from being a baking tin. If laundromats have AC, that might be my Sunday night plan since I can charge my phone while I’m there. Floors were a ridiculous plan. How am I supposed to cut the wood without electricity? High hopes of tomorrow. I may have the generator, but unless I hit the laundromat, this may be all you hear of me today. Oh snap! Remind me when I have full battery to tell you about the creepiest ice cream truck ever.

Day 31 of WTH Am I Doing:

Today is the day I’ve been banned for life from Elite Towing. Just a little disagreement, a little miscommunication, and a couple of threats to tow my RV back to their lot. I mean, really, at this point I would have been like “bye RV.” It’s fine, the damn RV is never going to need to be towed ever again.
Aretha might hate the RV the most though. Her safe spot was under the front seat until the engine started when we backed it up. Now she resides inthe farthest back corner face to the wall.

We’ve just got to make it through tonight. Tomorrow we’re snagging a generator! This camping fan is ba-hooey. Genius magnetic tent mounting though. I decided that if fraternity boys can duct tape a human to a wall, I can manage a fan. Not that it can go on the ceiling since the ceiling is about 14 inches from my face. Only an hour and a half until bedtime! Tomorrow I’m hoping for floors, a shower, and a chance to charge my phone. Monday means electricity! By the end of the week plumbing! I’m sure in there somewhere I can flip over to a blog where I can cover boring stuff like water pumps, RV hot water heaters that convert to tiny houses, and such. Couple of weeks, we’ll be seeing housework if I’m lucky. (Which means in like 8 years by my current track record). Just got to make it through tonight!

Day 30 of WTH Am I Doing Pt 2:

What did I say last night? Don’t jinx it. Of course I did. The tow guy showed up then left to have his buddy come back. He never came. It got dark and now I’m the worst backyard guest on earth. New tow company tomorrow at $150 an hour. Mental note, next venture buy a tow truck. I realize there’s probably a big gap in the story line from when it drove to Samantha’s to being towed. I’ll cover that when after I get electricity (which feels like never).
There is one huge stress that has lessened. We have Aretha. Granted, now I’m terrified she’ll escape and be lost forever in Summerville. For now, all my Creatures are curled up in the bunk with me which makes it all almost okay. It’s rounding on 9pm and you now what that means! Bedtime. Tomorrow we’ve got an early day of towing and flooring and no luxuries of civilization.

Day 30 of WTH Am I Doing Pt 1:

I took my first real indoor hot shower in almost a week. Just like I’m amazed that this all started only a month ago, I can’t believe it’s been almost a week. No one seems to know my address which means I can’t get power. At the earliest, it will be Monday. Without the flooring plumbing can’t be put back in. Someone asked me the other day if it really was that bad, yes. Yes it is. On the other hand someone asked me why don’t tonight I just watch tv and relax?
So decisions have been made:
1.) I’m going to need a camping lantern and a battery operated fan.
2.)  I am most definitely going to have a link to donate to help homeless kids. This is rough. I’m going to to stick it out because it won’t be this way forever, but there’s a lot of kids out there who really do live like this. I want to help them. Taking suggestions, I’m going to investigate Carolina Youth Development Center though I don’t know if it covers what I am most concerned about.

Day 28 of WTH Am I Doing:

There’s nothing really new, mostly I just feel like I need to leave everyone on a better note than yesterday. The rain has sufficiently stopped everything. I can’t move the RV in the rain. I can’t work on the RV in the rain. Really all I can do in the RV in the rain is discover things that need to be fixed. I know it’s been a lot of RV lately and not a lot of tiny house on wheels. It seems like there’s just a lot of going over the same stuff in different ways. All of it getting closer to when the Iron Curtain momentarily comes down (which might be torture for me). You have to be quiet when you’re trying to slip through a loophole.

Fun fact: you thought Pinterest was a rabbit hole, you should check out RV blogs. I absolutely positively have to get on the roof this weekend. Steve from the RV forum said I need to check the mounting gasket for the AC and Bill told me how easy it is to install a skylight over the old chimney. I’ve also decided that if I’m going to get grouped in with RV peeps, I want the old people with matching Hawaiian shirts and suspenders over the NASCAR ones. So Saturday if anyone wants to wear a matching Hawaiian shirt with me or spot me while I attempt to get up on the roof, you’d be more than welcome!

Would You Like a Goose Egg With That?

It took 4 days, but it finally happened. I finally sat right up in bed and banged my head. I think it knocked some sense back into me. This morning I woke up with a fire lit and kind of angry. So what if I don’t know how to put subflooring in an RV yet? People are building tiny houses who don’t know what claw hammers are. I got this. Google and I have got this.