I’ll be honest, I didn’t even know it was Wednesday. I did know it was November 1st the start of NaNoWriMo so there’s that. First day and over 5,000 words in…which is awesome for me just not so awesome for y’all. Except long run it is, hello! Muffy novel! Yay! Hopefully. Fingers crossed…if only every day churns out like today. 

To Put It In Perspective, I Need Your Help

It is all about perspective. Someone told me once my gift was that I could show the best version of anything. 

Planning has kept me the exact type of distracted. Yesterday, I had no cocktails. The day before, I talked to people. Monday, I actually left the house. Last night, my only nightmare was how the cat at Hotel KLA doesn’t have any interest in me and was taunting me. Something bizarre like being giant size and batting at me. 

In reality, I ran out of toothpaste this morning so I pulled a Kesha and used some bourbon. Somehow Wednesday has crept up and I’m still in my pajamas from Sunday. KLA keeps telling me baby steps, I’ll get there at my own pace. Showering probably really should move higher up my to do list. 

Full disclosure: The moment I finished typing that last sentence, KLA walked in saying she thought I had planned on showering while she was gone. So I took a quick pause to shower. She’s gone all pep squad about a bug finding field trip. There’s been a new amendment, I don’t have to leave the house to go out in public, I do have to leave the house for a bug hunting field trip. It seems, I need vitamin D. To prove she really is my everything, just as I was thinking that I better follow along since she’s my only source of bobbypins, I open the door to find she’s left me the a giant box of bobbypins. The box says there is 500 bobbypins which should hold me for about a day and a half. 

If Costco just carried bulk quantities of bobbypins, I wouldn’t be in this vitamin D, showering predicament. I mean, really. Of all the things you can buy in bulk, how is this not the top of the bulk item list? 

I am doing way better. Completely better? No. I’m crazy terrified of what it’s going to be like out on my own. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a swimmer not a sinker (and as of this afternoon not a stinker either). It’s been a long time since I didn’t have a little four legged companion. Kind of like Peter Pan and his shadow. It wasn’t necessary; things just seemed safer, more in place when he’s around. 

I feel like I should make more bourbon jokes to reign in the pity party, only I worry it would backfire with more concern. While I haven’t gotten the gumption to listening to voicemails or even take my phone off silent, I have started reaching out a little. In reality, I quite honestly need your help. 

Just like this whole vitamin D, leaving the house amendment there are going to be stipulations. Let’s have one of my infamous lists, shall we? And yes, I correctly used “infamous” there. If you had to think twice on it, you’ve never gotten one of my lists.

There’s a funny line between want and need. It is one that I’ve always blurred. Maybe I want what I need? When I wrote for Money Q&A, I ended it saying I hope you did something lavicous and relished in it. Sometimes that’s exactly what we need. 

What I Selfishly Want:

Your Feedback- 

I write or read all the time. Tons of the things I write will never make it for anyone to read, sometimes they’re lost to me as well. They’re scraps of paper, the margin of a book, notes on my phone, lots of times emails to myself. 
There was once a time I wrote all the time for people to see. Who knows what happened to that. I still wove words together making perfect cocktail party banter of ridiculous stories, they just never made it to the page anymore. 

Bear With Me-

I’m not editing things like I should, this I know. I’ve always teased I should be a bigger Cormac McCarthy fan for my lack of punctuation, but I’m worse than I usually am. If you’ve never read any McCarthy, strap in. It’s a jumble. And for the record, he is not at all like John Irving just not as sad no matter what the cute bookseller tells you 

It’s just a little too raw right now. It’s the same reason I’m not doing what I tell all my clients to die hen someone tells me they’ve read what I wrote, it’s everything. I just can’t market my pain right now. I’ll heal up and all of this will be better. 

Your Advice-

Are you where I am going? Have you been there? Do you know how normal people manage to afford going to Disney World? I want to know. This morning Brandy sent me links for one of my stops along with why: stay here X, eat here X, hike X. Perfection. 

You don’t have to host me when I’m in town (I mean, unless you want to). You can see me for a minute or not at all. Promise, I won’t bully you into doing so if you reach out. Well, that is unless you’re Cuban and have a boat in the Keys and then there might be some bullying. Sometimes I’m insanely artistic via Snapchat. Obviously, this is a lie. I don’t know if I love fishing, I’ve never been. I do know I love boats, bourbon, and can fake my way about cigars. Who knows? Maybe I’ve just never had a good cigar? 

Sometimes you just have to ask the world for the answer. 

What I Need to Clear Up:

There are a couple of things I should just address on a large stage in complete random order.

Tiny House- 

I don’t know. Maybe? I’m just not there yet. It’s been filed away for not now. 

Technically Homeless-

This one I think is bologna. Yes, I had a box that has amenities that work. Yes, I was in that situation by choice. No, I didn’t really have use of those amenities. It was like camping and I, personally, think it was a version of being homeless even if I got myself in the stupid situation. Lot of good it’s done me now. I was miserable and now that choice will make me miserable for forever. Let’s keep our remarks to ourself on this one from here out. 

Leaving-

I’m making stops through Charleston to switch out bags and storage over the next month. I leave Friday morning, I’ll be back Tuesday to leave again Wednesday. Who knows how many times I’ll be back or if one of those times I stay. If you would like to give me a hug, Tuesday night seems to be the game plan. Anne started a discussion, I can give you details when we have them. 

Junior League-

While my remark seemed to cast shade (which wasn’t my intention), it was true. It isn’t fair to cast a general net over everyone. The whole League wasn’t in on that decision, most of them probably didn’t even know it happened. It was just a really bad time and I needed some help. Sometimes it’s just not the right time. 

Still Interested-

I still care and love my community. My lack of involvement is not at all due to lack of interest. Just need to get the whole showering, leaving the house, and wearing a bra down on a daily basis before I take life full on by the horns again. I’ve just got to ease myself back into it. That has to the only time in my life that I am not just going right on in off the deep end. 

Money-

Dude, I am not rich. In fact, I’m pretty financially irresponsible. When I’m in your area please feel free to throw gigs my way. I am not above work, be it day labor or something that uses my skills. House sitting, babysitting, pet sitting, feel free to throw my name out there locally. 

Train Robbers- 

The train doesn’t go from Tucson, it goes from Willams, Arizona. 

What a terrible way to wrap up a post. It was my intentions to do this much earlier today as something shorter with a humdinger for this evening. You know what they say, we plan and He laughs. Tomorrow, I’ll aim for a humdinger. 

One Week Later: This Still Sucks

Tonight will make a week. I’m functioning, mostly. KLA encouraged me to try to shower, leave the house, and put in a bra. Luckily, she doesn’t seem to think I need to ween myself off sleep aids, sleeping, crying, or bourbon so it’s been a good healing environment. Let’s get honest here people, last week was hard for lots of things overall. Things in general have not exactly gone as plan. And if we’re really going to get technical, I’m fracking homeless. Man, there was another F word I really wanted to use there. I just don’t have the konugas to put that in print. 

So what the hell am I going to do? GOOD QUESTION. I don’t know. These are the moments of “why not? Let’s see where this takes me” that usually…you know what, I’ll just let us all see how this pans out instead of giving some probably excellent learning examples from my past. 

If we’re social media friends you’ll know that last night I interacted with other people. I know! Both people in real life and online. In fact, I interacted with a lot of people. Baby steps guys, baby steps. 

Some of the interactions weren’t so fun though. I would be specifically talking about the ones involving lectures of impulsiveness, running away, irresponsibility, etc. In response to that, I’m going to channel my all time favorite KLA pep talk “The Muffy I Know…” for some confidence & inspiration: let me just tell you, if you are the least bit shocked or surprised that when it all crumpled I decided to go explore more options, you don’t know me at all. Not only am I the most resilient person KLA knows, I have had my moments of fearlessness. Starting over or starting somewhere fresh is not a new concept. Hell, 5 years ago I rolled into Charleston with a hula hoop strapped to the trunk asking if I could borrow an air mattress from someone since my mattress flew off the roof of the car. And look at me now! Homeless and without a hula hoop! 

I kid. I’ve done well in Charleston just like I’ve done well in all the places before and I hope to in all the places after. This should all make for more interesting blog posts. How many of you really wanted to hear about electrical panels and wiring of 200sq ft? It would have been mostly for the photos and outtakes. On a responsible note, it isn’t like I can’t write press releases and do social media from anywhere I go. In a way, this might be the most responsible starting over to date. 

Funny, right this moment as I’m writing this, Julie Daniels tagged me in a video. 

Create a New Ending
I feel exactly the same way. When I was being lectured on what would I even doing in Arizona, I responded with “see the Grand Canyon? I’ve never been.” Think of all the things I could experience that I’ve never done. 

Someone asked to host a going away party for me. Last night I told KLA about it, she of course thought it was a fabulous idea and that I should let bunches of people throw me tons of parties. “But what if I come back?” I asked her. 

Just because I want to leave for now doesn’t mean that I have to leave forever. It’s just that here is not right for me right now. I must admit that I’ve stared over and tried things new many times, this is the first time that I ever said that it could be just for now. 

Can I just call this a sabbatical?

Let’s go back to the map and last night. 

I went to a truck stop and got a real map. Next I got some sticky arrows. I started laying outstickies of everywhere I had someone who would like to see my red eyes and puffy face. Who else wants a visit? The arrows started filling up. Last check this morning, there are only a couple of square states missing like Montana, Wyoming, the Dakotas, as well as a few states that probably have pretty awesome roadside attractions like Idaho. There were two requests for me to get a world map. World maps just take whole lot more responsibility or me completely throwing all responsibilities out the window. We aren’t there yet. 

In true Muffy form, I’ve made a plan then changed it 97 times. I think I want to end up in Miami then Arizona seems like an even better idea than it did the day before. As of now, Florida first. When I couldn’t handle anymore snow, it was between Charleston and the Keys. Letting the runner up have a chance could be the way to go, except I keep hearing that country song telling me to go West. Every time another sticky went on the map I thought about how that was somewhere else I’ve never really been. 

The Chef flew back to Cali Monday. He text me from the plane, I wouldn’t believe what the inflight magazine’s main article was on.  Those are my mermaids! Even if I could jump the waiting list for mermaid camp, I still can’t rationalize the almost $1,000 cost. I’ll visit the mermaids and the springs. I’m going to swim with the manatees. Take my amazing Itty Bitty to find us a hippo named Lily. No, really guys, she’s amazing. Check out how my Itty Bitty has a heart that’s ginormous and this kiddo is only 8. Itty Bitty has been raising money for Hurricane Matthew victims. Bay News 9 did an article then CNN and she’s just doing great things all over. Donate to help her cause here.

Is it weird I want to go to Harry Potter World? Can a grownup go there by themselves? I’m hoping Erin will make me some cupcakes for my long drive down to Miami where I’ve got a Muffette I can’t wait to hug and some Cubans who promised me cigars, boats, and motorcycles. 

There’s another big factor in Florida first, it’s the least dog friendly portion of my trip. I think I’m ready to start thinking about some paw prints on my heart. No rescue is going to let me adopt if I’m bopping around. 

Meet Amazing Gracie, she’s in Wisconsin.

I even talked to some folks at a rescue in California this morning. While I don’t know if these pups are right for me, it’s time to be open to it. Y’all all keep your eyes open. I need a tiny female who doesn’t really shed. Think terrier or poodle mix. Though I would love to adopt an older dog, I want to think longevity so something younger. There’s a lot of rescues and shelters out there. Somewhere some pup has to be waiting for me. 

Details still have to be worked out, timelines, and more plans that I’ll change but if the LaSala family still wants me I’m going to make my way out after Thanksgiving. 

Lipnos, let’s get snowed in and maybe we can talk Denton into blowing up a snowman again. Last time I was in Cleveland, I slept in the parking garage of the Rock n’Roll Hall of Fame meaning this trip doesn’t have high expectations. Claire, do they even serve yogurt in Chicago when it is cold? Will it blow right out of my hand? 

From Chicago I can fly to Vace the Face in Seattle for $132 at the most $247. From Seattle I can fly to California for $59 and take Amtrak’s Pacific Surfliner up and down Southern California for $159. The Chef is still out there and I bet I could lure him into a weekend in Vegas. 

Amanda tells me I can take the train from Tucson to the Grand Canyon where they even have a train robber! Matt told me he already started checking the job board at work. Wouldn’t it be super awesome if I worked in a library? Not quite as awesome as me giving this whole blogging thing a real go, but this looks like the chance to really do that. See what I’m talking about? All spontaneous fun and change of plans? Who knew I even wanted to do that? Probably me somewhere deep down. If I ever really wanted a shot at writing a book, this looks like how it’s done these days. 

Both paths will take me through Bama and Kentucky for any goodbyes I need to do in person. I think this is the plan that sticks. After all, all the stickies do line up. 

Big Misconception With Tiny Houses on Wheels

Not that I’m a complete expert, I’m just a nerd who’s done a lot of research. There are some big things people don’t have spot on with tiny houses on wheels. (A list in progress based on questions I get)

  1. It’s on wheels, you can go anywhere! Yeah, but not really. Even though they’re tiny houses they weigh a lot, we’re talking at least 7,500 lbs empty. You can’t just hitch that up and hit the road. You need some massive power in a truck to tow that. In comparison, an 18 ft boat is about 2,200 lbs. Plus, all those cute, smaller than average decorations? Those all have to be secured! 
  2. Tiny houses aren’t even houses. To finagle through loop holes they’re technically classified as a Recreational Vehicle (RV). They get RCVA stickers. That and the electrical are two of the classifiers. That’s how they’re allowed to have death stairs, lofts with such low ceilings, and no official bedrooms with 4 walls, door, and a closet. 
  3. Size Matters Tiny houses in general are under 400 sq ft. Tiny houses on wheels have to keep the height under 13.5 ft. and no more than 8.5 ft wide. They can’t be longer than 40 ft not exceed 65 ft including the vehicle towing it. 
  4. What’s in a name? RV and motorhome are the same. RVs you can drive. Trailer and campers are towed.