I like Danville. I just never liked any of the feels that I had to deal with in coming here. I didn’t even know my mother wasn’t living here. That would have made the last couple of times I came through much less awkward.
A few years back when my family moved from the house to the farm, I was traveling home for Christmas except I didn’t know how to get there. No one was answering their phones and I had no clue how to get home. Later I discovered that even if I had the address, it wouldn’t have helped. GPS doesn’t pick up the farm.
How do you not know where your home is? That’s a lot of what I’ve got going on right now.
I kind of feel like I missed the boat. When did Danville stop being my family’s home? How did a whole family and life leave without telling me?
Now I’m here closing up our home by myself. All kinds of feels on top of feels.
The same reasoning is why I had kept telling my grandmother no when asked to come back. I wasn’t ready to deal with this yet, I had other things on the list to deal with that took higher priority. Time ran out.
I get it. I sound like major Danville Debbie Downer. Probably because I am. That’s just what we’re dealing with out here.
The other day I got mad at my mom and hung up on her with the reasoning I could just call my grandmother for the answer to whatever I was asking. But, I can’t do that anymore. I’ve lost my center.
So I’m out here going through all the feels without any distractions. This could be really good for me or I could go completely insane. Jury is still out. Upside, I’m not losing my stance on what I believe in, I found hangers, and I’m going out for a bit this evening.
Let’s all expect long, waxy prose for the next little bit.