It is all about perspective. Someone told me once my gift was that I could show the best version of anything.
Planning has kept me the exact type of distracted. Yesterday, I had no cocktails. The day before, I talked to people. Monday, I actually left the house. Last night, my only nightmare was how the cat at Hotel KLA doesn’t have any interest in me and was taunting me. Something bizarre like being giant size and batting at me.
In reality, I ran out of toothpaste this morning so I pulled a Kesha and used some bourbon. Somehow Wednesday has crept up and I’m still in my pajamas from Sunday. KLA keeps telling me baby steps, I’ll get there at my own pace. Showering probably really should move higher up my to do list.
Full disclosure: The moment I finished typing that last sentence, KLA walked in saying she thought I had planned on showering while she was gone. So I took a quick pause to shower. She’s gone all pep squad about a bug finding field trip. There’s been a new amendment, I don’t have to leave the house to go out in public, I do have to leave the house for a bug hunting field trip. It seems, I need vitamin D. To prove she really is my everything, just as I was thinking that I better follow along since she’s my only source of bobbypins, I open the door to find she’s left me the a giant box of bobbypins. The box says there is 500 bobbypins which should hold me for about a day and a half.
If Costco just carried bulk quantities of bobbypins, I wouldn’t be in this vitamin D, showering predicament. I mean, really. Of all the things you can buy in bulk, how is this not the top of the bulk item list?
I am doing way better. Completely better? No. I’m crazy terrified of what it’s going to be like out on my own. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a swimmer not a sinker (and as of this afternoon not a stinker either). It’s been a long time since I didn’t have a little four legged companion. Kind of like Peter Pan and his shadow. It wasn’t necessary; things just seemed safer, more in place when he’s around.
I feel like I should make more bourbon jokes to reign in the pity party, only I worry it would backfire with more concern. While I haven’t gotten the gumption to listening to voicemails or even take my phone off silent, I have started reaching out a little. In reality, I quite honestly need your help.
Just like this whole vitamin D, leaving the house amendment there are going to be stipulations. Let’s have one of my infamous lists, shall we? And yes, I correctly used “infamous” there. If you had to think twice on it, you’ve never gotten one of my lists.
There’s a funny line between want and need. It is one that I’ve always blurred. Maybe I want what I need? When I wrote for Money Q&A, I ended it saying I hope you did something lavicous and relished in it. Sometimes that’s exactly what we need.
What I Selfishly Want:
I write or read all the time. Tons of the things I write will never make it for anyone to read, sometimes they’re lost to me as well. They’re scraps of paper, the margin of a book, notes on my phone, lots of times emails to myself.
There was once a time I wrote all the time for people to see. Who knows what happened to that. I still wove words together making perfect cocktail party banter of ridiculous stories, they just never made it to the page anymore.
Bear With Me-
I’m not editing things like I should, this I know. I’ve always teased I should be a bigger Cormac McCarthy fan for my lack of punctuation, but I’m worse than I usually am. If you’ve never read any McCarthy, strap in. It’s a jumble. And for the record, he is not at all like John Irving just not as sad no matter what the cute bookseller tells you
It’s just a little too raw right now. It’s the same reason I’m not doing what I tell all my clients to die hen someone tells me they’ve read what I wrote, it’s everything. I just can’t market my pain right now. I’ll heal up and all of this will be better.
Are you where I am going? Have you been there? Do you know how normal people manage to afford going to Disney World? I want to know. This morning Brandy sent me links for one of my stops along with why: stay here X, eat here X, hike X. Perfection.
You don’t have to host me when I’m in town (I mean, unless you want to). You can see me for a minute or not at all. Promise, I won’t bully you into doing so if you reach out. Well, that is unless you’re Cuban and have a boat in the Keys and then there might be some bullying. Sometimes I’m insanely artistic via Snapchat. Obviously, this is a lie. I don’t know if I love fishing, I’ve never been. I do know I love boats, bourbon, and can fake my way about cigars. Who knows? Maybe I’ve just never had a good cigar?
Sometimes you just have to ask the world for the answer.
What I Need to Clear Up:
There are a couple of things I should just address on a large stage in complete random order.
I don’t know. Maybe? I’m just not there yet. It’s been filed away for not now.
This one I think is bologna. Yes, I had a box that has amenities that work. Yes, I was in that situation by choice. No, I didn’t really have use of those amenities. It was like camping and I, personally, think it was a version of being homeless even if I got myself in the stupid situation. Lot of good it’s done me now. I was miserable and now that choice will make me miserable for forever. Let’s keep our remarks to ourself on this one from here out.
I’m making stops through Charleston to switch out bags and storage over the next month. I leave Friday morning, I’ll be back Tuesday to leave again Wednesday. Who knows how many times I’ll be back or if one of those times I stay. If you would like to give me a hug, Tuesday night seems to be the game plan. Anne started a discussion, I can give you details when we have them.
While my remark seemed to cast shade (which wasn’t my intention), it was true. It isn’t fair to cast a general net over everyone. The whole League wasn’t in on that decision, most of them probably didn’t even know it happened. It was just a really bad time and I needed some help. Sometimes it’s just not the right time.
I still care and love my community. My lack of involvement is not at all due to lack of interest. Just need to get the whole showering, leaving the house, and wearing a bra down on a daily basis before I take life full on by the horns again. I’ve just got to ease myself back into it. That has to the only time in my life that I am not just going right on in off the deep end.
Dude, I am not rich. In fact, I’m pretty financially irresponsible. When I’m in your area please feel free to throw gigs my way. I am not above work, be it day labor or something that uses my skills. House sitting, babysitting, pet sitting, feel free to throw my name out there locally.
The train doesn’t go from Tucson, it goes from Willams, Arizona.
What a terrible way to wrap up a post. It was my intentions to do this much earlier today as something shorter with a humdinger for this evening. You know what they say, we plan and He laughs. Tomorrow, I’ll aim for a humdinger.