The Only Difference Between Us

Yesterday afternoon and evening, I went with the Woodruffs to serve dinner at Union County Community Shelter. There were men, women, families, and children. They were polite and rude. They ate until they were full and they tried to sneak food out to trade for their addictions. Some came back to the kitchen to say thank you with sincerity and some came to see if any of the purses were unattended on the counter. How do I know? Same way I knew how to work the steam dishwasher, I’ve been there before. 

We joke about me being technically homeless, when in reality, the only real difference right now between them and me is you. I can hear Emorie telling me that I put myself in this situation and I did. It wasn’t that long ago that the house was such a struggle that it made me think of downsizing. There were definitely moments in the RV parked in that trailer park with no floor, plumbing, or electricity that I knew I was in over my head.
As I was leaving, I saw a man in the parking lot changing clothes out of the trunk of his car. Really the only difference between him and me is that I’ve got all of you. Thank you. 

If You Can Make It Here, You Can Make It Anywhere: We’re Off!

For someone who doesn’t like roller coasters, let’s talk about some major ups and downs that have been going on. The day started off early with double hits on awesome followed by a huge plummet, leaving me no choice other than to coast on out.

Tuesday night I didn’t just get loved on, I got tons of ideas, invitations, and suggestions. I warned everyone that all those bubbles would make me forget and despite the bourbon, the next day I remembered to ask for a recap. One of the best nuggets was Cuba! Flights are on sale during Southwest’s Countdown to Cuba

Are you asking yourself “how did I miss this?!” Well then, you should like Muffy on the Move on Facebook. We had a whole discussion on it. The opportunity was too much to resist and the price sealed the deal. This March, for $149.16 after tax, this kiddo is heading to Cuba!

One of my friends really put it into perspective. Callie pointed out that now that the embargo is being lifted, this is the last opportunity to see Cuba as it is before developers sink their teeth into it.

While I was anxiously awaiting the confirmation email an even better email cam through! And by better, I mean the new shiny thing that was currently in front of me. There had been a couple of back and forths that started to got my hopes up, but no way this was going to actually happen. Then it did! Walt Disney World informed me that they have two tickets awaiting my arrival! WHAT THE WHAT?!?

Yes, I’ve been made aware that this is the wrong castle. I’m just going to need some in person castle training.

All this is secretly happening in KLA’s living room. I know! You thought I had left! I just had to stick around to see a special pair of jetsetters who had flown in the day before Ireland. Not only are JD and Maria just crazy, dear to my heart, their long distance families are too. 

His parents have asked me for Thanksgiving, her’s have asked me for Christmas.

They’ve rallied and supported me from the first of my tragedies and cheered me on through my triumphs. I know, there is a ton of y’all that do that-there is just only a few of y’all that started years ago from Arizona without ever meeting me. When Amanda, Maria’s sister, came to Charleston meeting Mizzou was in the top (Lucky for me, Mizzou and I were a package deal and I got a dinner invite too). 

I couldn’t imagine more love out of Arizona than I have gotten already, then the mail ame. Amanda told me I probably would cry, I should open it anyway

.


Sure did cry.

There’s too much to do to cry. I had to get going! I had random things to scatter and store around Charleston! Did the last of the rounds, hid some Rubbermaid totes, and made my way to tie it all up in a bow. Alright, honestly? This is where I go into the part of the downward rollercoaster spiral to the ground. It’s good reading, I wrote it a day ago and have been sitting on it. Between my seething and my fuming, I am going to hold off until that bow I started to tie is securely in a tight noose before I share. You should hear how loud I was banging the keys as I typed that. It will have to wait and y’all will just eat it up and seethe right along with me.

I had a big long talk with myself while my car was up on the lift at DK Auto for the big tune up. Everything works itself out one way or another. 

New spark plus, lights, filters, tire, who knows what else, and I was ready to hit the road! Though I feel like I probably need new windshield wipers? Dan, if you’re reading this comment below on if I to need them. Also, while you’re down there tell everybody what all comes in a tune up and how much it costs! The shop is tagged above!

I was off! Hitting the highway! A whole hour and a half later, I arrived! Columbia, South Carolina! The big adventure! I know, I know, but I didn’t even get on the road until 8pm and I desperately wanted to give Shelby a hug. Plus, Shelby has FIVE DOGS! I have never had so much puppy love in my life. 


I was like one of those Buzzfeed videos where they put someone in a room with puppies. We stayed up late gossiping and catching up like sisters are supposed to do. And until I die, I’ll have those girls. We watched this horrendous show Monsters Inside of Me. Y’all. Have you seen this?! No. Most definitely not the best pre-travel show to watch.

Things were off to a great start….


I kid, that’s Shelby’s! 

She works for the Sheriff Department! You are allowed to check in there on social media! You are NOT allowed to put on their bullet proof vests (I asked). Poor Shelby, I peppered her enough about Crime Scene Investigation that she properly wanted to lightly pepper me with pepper spray. There are just so many things to learn! I am so going to be ahead of the game when I start listening to the Serial podcasts!

It was finally time to at least make it out of the state, which I did, eventually. Upon arriving at the house, 9 year old Chloe met me at the door saying “you didn’t get a tattoo.” No, I didn’t. I was big old chicken.

That was then maybe I’m not so chicken anymore. Probably am.

The drive went by in no time with so many distractions. Things happened; there were press releases, reporters, and clients. While the events that put this into motion are tragic and absolutely the last thing I wanted to be discussing, it was a moment for me. For the first time in weeks, I had a purpose (okay, a purpose outside of me and/or bourbon). I am good at this. I can do this. Even more importantly, I can do this anywhere. And anywhere is where I am going to go. My question to myself became a mantra and now it is my battle cry: THIS IS HAPPENING.

I’m out here! I snuck over to Charlotte for the weekend for a surprise birthday, trick or treating with a tiny person, and some stand in parents to fuss over me. Don’t worry, I welcome all stand in families to take care of me for a night or two. Just let me know and I’ll head your way! Don’t worry! I won’t even bring any laundry with me since as of this afternoon I will only own 2 checked bags (one warm weather and one winter) and a carryon with the biggest “personal item/bag” I can find. Goodbye fashion, hello minimal amounts of clothing in the most functional purse invented. Oh snap. If I wear a fanny pack does that count as part of my outfit or as my purse? Oh that is getting done, son!

Tuesday I wander to York! The rest of the week, I don’t even know anymore. Told y’all all the plans will be changed 903 times. 
I’ve got bigger concerns like figuring out how to start a fire in a yurt so we don’t get a Muffy popsicle. I’m off to hide belongings around Charlotte and widdle down the last of everything I own. Sav is supervising to ensure I really do absolutely do have to keep that black dress I wore two years ago…I feel like maybe some videos on my attempts at building a fire would be entertaining.

Moving Beyond Normal: Sarah The Bitch With an H

There was some sad stuff that happened. We’re just going to gloss over it with a quick recap and move onto the good stuff because guess who’s back to feeling human? This kid. 

Aretha didn’t want to participate so I went to happy hour with friends, in my neighborhood where you see all the folks you know. As I was leaving and saying goodbye, dreading having to call out for my lost pet in the dark, I had one of those movie moments; this was goodbye. Of course, this is me and not a movie. The spell was broken when I remembered I parked in the front and not the back. This time though I exited the right way. This time it was like a movie. The sun was setting on Montague, it was beautiful. I thought to myself, “this is my home.” The magic continued. Aretha was waiting for me at the RV and she has NEVER done that before. 

We loaded up and headed to Greenville, where it was sad. But something else huge happened. I got a troll. I know! 

What a bitch? Right?! But hollar! Isn’t this like how you get famous! Internet trolls! Luckily, I have no interest in other people’s approval. If I did, I feel like the majority is in my favor anyways. Which was pretty apparent from the response from the world about the bitch Sarah with an H. Even better than the Internet, the mega good time going away party last night where Sarahs and the rest of my other friends pointed out that I’m pretty kickass. 

Lots and lots of bubbles led to bourbon and pinball then curfew free fun. Accent on Wine was an awesome host not just making special dishes for us, also giving us the run of the back patio. Thank you to everyone who came out! I had so much fun. Besides the hangover, I feel pretty phenom today. I want to go out there and take on the world! It’s perfect timing since I think the calendar is kind of set. By set, I mean that it’s the base plan for the 907 more changes. 

To Put It In Perspective, I Need Your Help

It is all about perspective. Someone told me once my gift was that I could show the best version of anything. 

Planning has kept me the exact type of distracted. Yesterday, I had no cocktails. The day before, I talked to people. Monday, I actually left the house. Last night, my only nightmare was how the cat at Hotel KLA doesn’t have any interest in me and was taunting me. Something bizarre like being giant size and batting at me. 

In reality, I ran out of toothpaste this morning so I pulled a Kesha and used some bourbon. Somehow Wednesday has crept up and I’m still in my pajamas from Sunday. KLA keeps telling me baby steps, I’ll get there at my own pace. Showering probably really should move higher up my to do list. 

Full disclosure: The moment I finished typing that last sentence, KLA walked in saying she thought I had planned on showering while she was gone. So I took a quick pause to shower. She’s gone all pep squad about a bug finding field trip. There’s been a new amendment, I don’t have to leave the house to go out in public, I do have to leave the house for a bug hunting field trip. It seems, I need vitamin D. To prove she really is my everything, just as I was thinking that I better follow along since she’s my only source of bobbypins, I open the door to find she’s left me the a giant box of bobbypins. The box says there is 500 bobbypins which should hold me for about a day and a half. 

If Costco just carried bulk quantities of bobbypins, I wouldn’t be in this vitamin D, showering predicament. I mean, really. Of all the things you can buy in bulk, how is this not the top of the bulk item list? 

I am doing way better. Completely better? No. I’m crazy terrified of what it’s going to be like out on my own. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a swimmer not a sinker (and as of this afternoon not a stinker either). It’s been a long time since I didn’t have a little four legged companion. Kind of like Peter Pan and his shadow. It wasn’t necessary; things just seemed safer, more in place when he’s around. 

I feel like I should make more bourbon jokes to reign in the pity party, only I worry it would backfire with more concern. While I haven’t gotten the gumption to listening to voicemails or even take my phone off silent, I have started reaching out a little. In reality, I quite honestly need your help. 

Just like this whole vitamin D, leaving the house amendment there are going to be stipulations. Let’s have one of my infamous lists, shall we? And yes, I correctly used “infamous” there. If you had to think twice on it, you’ve never gotten one of my lists.

There’s a funny line between want and need. It is one that I’ve always blurred. Maybe I want what I need? When I wrote for Money Q&A, I ended it saying I hope you did something lavicous and relished in it. Sometimes that’s exactly what we need. 

What I Selfishly Want:

Your Feedback- 

I write or read all the time. Tons of the things I write will never make it for anyone to read, sometimes they’re lost to me as well. They’re scraps of paper, the margin of a book, notes on my phone, lots of times emails to myself. 
There was once a time I wrote all the time for people to see. Who knows what happened to that. I still wove words together making perfect cocktail party banter of ridiculous stories, they just never made it to the page anymore. 

Bear With Me-

I’m not editing things like I should, this I know. I’ve always teased I should be a bigger Cormac McCarthy fan for my lack of punctuation, but I’m worse than I usually am. If you’ve never read any McCarthy, strap in. It’s a jumble. And for the record, he is not at all like John Irving just not as sad no matter what the cute bookseller tells you 

It’s just a little too raw right now. It’s the same reason I’m not doing what I tell all my clients to die hen someone tells me they’ve read what I wrote, it’s everything. I just can’t market my pain right now. I’ll heal up and all of this will be better. 

Your Advice-

Are you where I am going? Have you been there? Do you know how normal people manage to afford going to Disney World? I want to know. This morning Brandy sent me links for one of my stops along with why: stay here X, eat here X, hike X. Perfection. 

You don’t have to host me when I’m in town (I mean, unless you want to). You can see me for a minute or not at all. Promise, I won’t bully you into doing so if you reach out. Well, that is unless you’re Cuban and have a boat in the Keys and then there might be some bullying. Sometimes I’m insanely artistic via Snapchat. Obviously, this is a lie. I don’t know if I love fishing, I’ve never been. I do know I love boats, bourbon, and can fake my way about cigars. Who knows? Maybe I’ve just never had a good cigar? 

Sometimes you just have to ask the world for the answer. 

What I Need to Clear Up:

There are a couple of things I should just address on a large stage in complete random order.

Tiny House- 

I don’t know. Maybe? I’m just not there yet. It’s been filed away for not now. 

Technically Homeless-

This one I think is bologna. Yes, I had a box that has amenities that work. Yes, I was in that situation by choice. No, I didn’t really have use of those amenities. It was like camping and I, personally, think it was a version of being homeless even if I got myself in the stupid situation. Lot of good it’s done me now. I was miserable and now that choice will make me miserable for forever. Let’s keep our remarks to ourself on this one from here out. 

Leaving-

I’m making stops through Charleston to switch out bags and storage over the next month. I leave Friday morning, I’ll be back Tuesday to leave again Wednesday. Who knows how many times I’ll be back or if one of those times I stay. If you would like to give me a hug, Tuesday night seems to be the game plan. Anne started a discussion, I can give you details when we have them. 

Junior League-

While my remark seemed to cast shade (which wasn’t my intention), it was true. It isn’t fair to cast a general net over everyone. The whole League wasn’t in on that decision, most of them probably didn’t even know it happened. It was just a really bad time and I needed some help. Sometimes it’s just not the right time. 

Still Interested-

I still care and love my community. My lack of involvement is not at all due to lack of interest. Just need to get the whole showering, leaving the house, and wearing a bra down on a daily basis before I take life full on by the horns again. I’ve just got to ease myself back into it. That has to the only time in my life that I am not just going right on in off the deep end. 

Money-

Dude, I am not rich. In fact, I’m pretty financially irresponsible. When I’m in your area please feel free to throw gigs my way. I am not above work, be it day labor or something that uses my skills. House sitting, babysitting, pet sitting, feel free to throw my name out there locally. 

Train Robbers- 

The train doesn’t go from Tucson, it goes from Willams, Arizona. 

What a terrible way to wrap up a post. It was my intentions to do this much earlier today as something shorter with a humdinger for this evening. You know what they say, we plan and He laughs. Tomorrow, I’ll aim for a humdinger. 

One Week Later: This Still Sucks

Tonight will make a week. I’m functioning, mostly. KLA encouraged me to try to shower, leave the house, and put in a bra. Luckily, she doesn’t seem to think I need to ween myself off sleep aids, sleeping, crying, or bourbon so it’s been a good healing environment. Let’s get honest here people, last week was hard for lots of things overall. Things in general have not exactly gone as plan. And if we’re really going to get technical, I’m fracking homeless. Man, there was another F word I really wanted to use there. I just don’t have the konugas to put that in print. 

So what the hell am I going to do? GOOD QUESTION. I don’t know. These are the moments of “why not? Let’s see where this takes me” that usually…you know what, I’ll just let us all see how this pans out instead of giving some probably excellent learning examples from my past. 

If we’re social media friends you’ll know that last night I interacted with other people. I know! Both people in real life and online. In fact, I interacted with a lot of people. Baby steps guys, baby steps. 

Some of the interactions weren’t so fun though. I would be specifically talking about the ones involving lectures of impulsiveness, running away, irresponsibility, etc. In response to that, I’m going to channel my all time favorite KLA pep talk “The Muffy I Know…” for some confidence & inspiration: let me just tell you, if you are the least bit shocked or surprised that when it all crumpled I decided to go explore more options, you don’t know me at all. Not only am I the most resilient person KLA knows, I have had my moments of fearlessness. Starting over or starting somewhere fresh is not a new concept. Hell, 5 years ago I rolled into Charleston with a hula hoop strapped to the trunk asking if I could borrow an air mattress from someone since my mattress flew off the roof of the car. And look at me now! Homeless and without a hula hoop! 

I kid. I’ve done well in Charleston just like I’ve done well in all the places before and I hope to in all the places after. This should all make for more interesting blog posts. How many of you really wanted to hear about electrical panels and wiring of 200sq ft? It would have been mostly for the photos and outtakes. On a responsible note, it isn’t like I can’t write press releases and do social media from anywhere I go. In a way, this might be the most responsible starting over to date. 

Funny, right this moment as I’m writing this, Julie Daniels tagged me in a video. 

Create a New Ending
I feel exactly the same way. When I was being lectured on what would I even doing in Arizona, I responded with “see the Grand Canyon? I’ve never been.” Think of all the things I could experience that I’ve never done. 

Someone asked to host a going away party for me. Last night I told KLA about it, she of course thought it was a fabulous idea and that I should let bunches of people throw me tons of parties. “But what if I come back?” I asked her. 

Just because I want to leave for now doesn’t mean that I have to leave forever. It’s just that here is not right for me right now. I must admit that I’ve stared over and tried things new many times, this is the first time that I ever said that it could be just for now. 

Can I just call this a sabbatical?

Let’s go back to the map and last night. 

I went to a truck stop and got a real map. Next I got some sticky arrows. I started laying outstickies of everywhere I had someone who would like to see my red eyes and puffy face. Who else wants a visit? The arrows started filling up. Last check this morning, there are only a couple of square states missing like Montana, Wyoming, the Dakotas, as well as a few states that probably have pretty awesome roadside attractions like Idaho. There were two requests for me to get a world map. World maps just take whole lot more responsibility or me completely throwing all responsibilities out the window. We aren’t there yet. 

In true Muffy form, I’ve made a plan then changed it 97 times. I think I want to end up in Miami then Arizona seems like an even better idea than it did the day before. As of now, Florida first. When I couldn’t handle anymore snow, it was between Charleston and the Keys. Letting the runner up have a chance could be the way to go, except I keep hearing that country song telling me to go West. Every time another sticky went on the map I thought about how that was somewhere else I’ve never really been. 

The Chef flew back to Cali Monday. He text me from the plane, I wouldn’t believe what the inflight magazine’s main article was on.  Those are my mermaids! Even if I could jump the waiting list for mermaid camp, I still can’t rationalize the almost $1,000 cost. I’ll visit the mermaids and the springs. I’m going to swim with the manatees. Take my amazing Itty Bitty to find us a hippo named Lily. No, really guys, she’s amazing. Check out how my Itty Bitty has a heart that’s ginormous and this kiddo is only 8. Itty Bitty has been raising money for Hurricane Matthew victims. Bay News 9 did an article then CNN and she’s just doing great things all over. Donate to help her cause here.

Is it weird I want to go to Harry Potter World? Can a grownup go there by themselves? I’m hoping Erin will make me some cupcakes for my long drive down to Miami where I’ve got a Muffette I can’t wait to hug and some Cubans who promised me cigars, boats, and motorcycles. 

There’s another big factor in Florida first, it’s the least dog friendly portion of my trip. I think I’m ready to start thinking about some paw prints on my heart. No rescue is going to let me adopt if I’m bopping around. 

Meet Amazing Gracie, she’s in Wisconsin.

I even talked to some folks at a rescue in California this morning. While I don’t know if these pups are right for me, it’s time to be open to it. Y’all all keep your eyes open. I need a tiny female who doesn’t really shed. Think terrier or poodle mix. Though I would love to adopt an older dog, I want to think longevity so something younger. There’s a lot of rescues and shelters out there. Somewhere some pup has to be waiting for me. 

Details still have to be worked out, timelines, and more plans that I’ll change but if the LaSala family still wants me I’m going to make my way out after Thanksgiving. 

Lipnos, let’s get snowed in and maybe we can talk Denton into blowing up a snowman again. Last time I was in Cleveland, I slept in the parking garage of the Rock n’Roll Hall of Fame meaning this trip doesn’t have high expectations. Claire, do they even serve yogurt in Chicago when it is cold? Will it blow right out of my hand? 

From Chicago I can fly to Vace the Face in Seattle for $132 at the most $247. From Seattle I can fly to California for $59 and take Amtrak’s Pacific Surfliner up and down Southern California for $159. The Chef is still out there and I bet I could lure him into a weekend in Vegas. 

Amanda tells me I can take the train from Tucson to the Grand Canyon where they even have a train robber! Matt told me he already started checking the job board at work. Wouldn’t it be super awesome if I worked in a library? Not quite as awesome as me giving this whole blogging thing a real go, but this looks like the chance to really do that. See what I’m talking about? All spontaneous fun and change of plans? Who knew I even wanted to do that? Probably me somewhere deep down. If I ever really wanted a shot at writing a book, this looks like how it’s done these days. 

Both paths will take me through Bama and Kentucky for any goodbyes I need to do in person. I think this is the plan that sticks. After all, all the stickies do line up. 

Time to Live Up to the Name

During the evacuation, I went with my shelter hosts to service at New Spring. I won’t go full into the sermon. It was the fourth in the series called “I am the Resurection” about the resurection of Lazarus. The main point is that he preached that this was an example of people being angry with God. I really think I missed the mark for many reasons. Mostly, I’ve never been mad at God. 

Bad things happen and I’ve often been a glutton for punishment, but I’ve never felt that I was being punished by my faith. 

The Story of Mizzou

I’m no stranger to tragedy. I’ve always said I’ve just been lucky enough that I was loved so much, it didn’t matter so much. 
I stood in the snow watching everything I own burn barely comprehending them telling me a few more minutes and I wouldn’t have made it out. 

I’ve narrowly avoided despite my name, probably due to my less than narrow hips,  a life on the pole or in porn from all my daddy issues. 

I am desperately asked to live tweet any family interactions. Who can forget the exile of my sister’s wedding or the last Christmas I ever spend in Alabama? 

The heartbreak I am most known for is Mouffie (moo-fee). 


After the house burned down, she was given to me to take away all the loss, the sadness, to fill the emptiness in me. She became my everything. Not my dog, not just my companion; my everything. She became the glue that held me together. As terrifying as that was for everyone who knew me, poodles live well into their 20’s. My glue would hold. 

Mouf was killed by a dog daycare. There were no apologies. There was anger, attacks, and lawsuits against me. Word traveled around that it didn’t matter I had no money to take, they wanted to “break me.” Most of those days were a haze. I could barely function between my heartache, the disbelief, and wondering where one gets a $45k retainer for the war I had started over the murder of my 7 year old poodle. Through it, I remember my closest friend while trading off shifts (the early days no one left me alone for long, they were sitting Muffy), tell another she just wish they could see me. There was nothing left to break. 

The same night Mouf was taken from me a poodle-chihuahua mix was brought into a local rescue. They had heard the rumors of my story already and didn’t know if they should reach out to me. When they saw my story on the news, they wrote to me. They knew my heart was hurting, would I maybe have room in my heart for a little pup to heal me? If not, they understood. They just wanted to help. 

I met them only to be polite. Then the tiniest thing came out from hiding to curl up in my lap to sleep. It was the first time she had come out in days. She chose me and she saved me. 

Mizzou became my constant companion. While this city I loved so much started to fail me, she was there. 

When the vacation mat was pulled away from me and the water rose…

When my family turned away…

When I had to fight to keep the house…

When I asked the Junior League for help to be told to come back when I had more money…

When my mother used the U.S Postal Service then later my bank account to tell me she wasn’t going to be my mother anymore…

When my heart was wrong…

Mizzou was my constant companion. It was Mizzou I asked “where should we start new?” Of course, I failed her. 

I bought that damn RV, that I grew to despise, and moved us to that trailer park where no matter how hard I tried, nothing good bloomed. I should have never come back from the evacuation. But, I did. I brought Mizzou back to die. 

I heard her cry in the dark without realizing it was her last cry out for me to save her. Never in my wildest dream would I have ever thought she could wander that far. She heard me calling for her and was coming back to me when she was hit. Whoever hit her didn’t even stop. Who knows how many cars had passed by the time I got there. Someone held me back as a fire truck crushed her once more in front of me. 

That’s the image I see over and over again asleep or awake, eyes open or closed. 

I want to vow to never return to that trailer park where she’s buried under a tree. I’m trying to find a way to make that happen. 

It’s time to live up to my name, time for Muffy to be on the move in hopes that it becomes Muffy on the Mend. 

As for Charleston, I don’t know. The city I loved has brought more heartache then I can withstand. 

The RV is for sale, immediately. 

Aretha will join Tabby as an indoor cat in Greenville. They can bond over the 50″ TV that serves as her dowry. It isn’t that I don’t want her, she was Mizzou’s cat. That just hurts too much. 

I’m heading north to Charlotte>Raleigh>DC>somewhere>Rochester>Cleveland and back to Chalreston for my 6th Johnson-Alexander Thanksgiving. They have already told me they have made arrangements with the expectation that I’ll bring a pup with me. 

Somewhere along the way, there has to be a rescue or a shelter that has a pup for me. I’ll find a little female pup with enough poodle in her to not shed that needs me as much as I need her. 

After Thanksgiving, hopefully I’ll be a “we” and we’ll head South to see the mermaids. I’ll be back for Feliz Navidad at the Alexanders. There will be no #MerryMexico without Mizzou. If my gypsy soul hasn’t healed by New Year’s we will follow the sun to the west, see if the saltwater of a different ocean heals me. 

Day 50 of WTH Am I Doing: Money is on Evacuation 

Yesterday was a big day, huge even! Wednesday held a mix of excitement, fear, and potential danger. Let’s start on a high note, shall we?

All of my ramblings left my Facebook page to form a blog on Day 29 after the encouragement from Money Q & A. Then yesterday happened! Hank, finance guru of Money Q and A, published an article by me! 

Muffy On Money Q & A

It’s crazy thrilling! Note, that’s not me in the headline picture. I have much less pronounced jawline.  

That’s me trying to be brave (it didn’t work, I left sans tattoo). I’ve got my gumption up since then (though still sans that tattoo). That face still resurfaces quite a bit these days. 

The intro from Hank was more than I could imagine, not just as a legit blogger, as a friend. That’s Hank on TV! See what I’m saying? Legit. 

I do feel I need to point out that I don’t live in the hangover RV from the flea market.

I live in one with a roof and is much smaller. She’s a 1980 Dodge Honey who is unfortunate enough to never have such great lighting. Not quite as rough, this was taken on her first real road excursion. This was moments before I infamously asked “what’s poking down through the wheel well?” The fridge. The damn fridge was coming through the floor. I just realized I didn’t post about that?! I bet it’s sitting in the drafts. That will have to be shared. It’s how I lost all the floors and the Creatures had one giant pet door to come and go from. 

Amidst all the excitement, there’s been some panic. Hurricane Matthew is set to strike and the city has shut down. No matter what, I would had to have left the RV. That kind of made the deciding factor for me after flip flopping back and forth. If I had a house, I’d probably stay until it was determined to get really bad. Having to pack up and go no matter what, it just seemed logical to head inland, visit with friends, and accept shelter where there will be electricity, water, and indoor plumbing! Y’all, evacuation is like a vacation for me. It was a push turned into shove that is probably going to be really awesome for my mental health. Are you reading that Dr. Dejesus? 

Tuesday, I visited with my doctor, who is absolutely fabulous overall, for a checkup. Mostly in this specific situation she’s fabulous for not thinking I’m insane and discussing the balance of my stress in my new everyday life of living off the grid against my will instead of writing me a script to pop Zanex like TicTacs as a solution. She gets me. Plus the office isn’t beige on beige on beige antiseptic hospital feel, it’s quite chic. You do your visit in a lounge style room and not awkwardly on a table, she does house calls, and is up to date with secure portals that allow me to text or message her. Best. 

When the debate started on evacuating or battening down the hatches, I mentioned growing up in Alabama where tornados are common. Tornados have no warning. The rain stops, the sirens go off, and you head for the basement. All of this preparedness has started to rattle me. 

Governor Haley held a press conference, she told the people to leave. They reversed the interstate for evacuation. People are waiting in lines for gas, grocery store shelves are cleaned out. Y’all saw how Home Depot had started to run bare on plywood! Ontop of that, the newspaper tells me to strap down my life. 

Um, okay. But going over too was just not going to happen. With nothing to attach the RV to, I ended up trying to stake it to the ground. 

I took 4 ft metal rods and staked them into the ground at angle away from the RV. Then I took several giant straps and latched them to the metal frame. Locked up the exterior and hoped Hurricane Matthew doesn’t become an oversized can opener taking the top of my tin can home. 

Of course, it wasn’t as smooth as that. As you know, my dog has an outdoor cat. I trapped the cat in the RV yesterday before I headed to work. Was she there when I got home? No, of course not. I couldn’t just leave her! Finally after me pleading with the wooded area near the RV to send the cat back to us so we could leave, she came slinking back. 

The Charleston Animal Society shared a post penned by the fabulous JeanneLove on keeping your pets safe. JeanneLove is the end all, be all on pet everything. If you’re in the Knoxville area, keep an eye out for her new shop opening later this month. Nowhere in any of the posts did it okay leaving your dog’s cat in a hurricane. Let me tell you, that was a trying moment. 

 I packed up the Creatures and prepared for the parking lot of evacuation traffic. Not everyone is thrilled. The car is a wreck. Give me a break, I’m partially living out of it and the RV. That makes for packing way hard. 

The interstate was pretty bare and had me concerned I was doing this whole evacuation thing wrong.Man, do I ever want to drive down the wrong way on 26. How do you get to drive on that side?! 

The Creatures finally settled down and the drive only took us an hour longer than usual. We are all currently safe and evacuated. I slept in and am about to enjoy a nice, long, hot shower. Let me tell you, I’ve missed real furniture. Really furniture in general. 

All joking aside, I’m kind of scared. I’ve had disasters before. My house burned while I stood outside for 7 hours watching everything I own go up in flames. Things are just things, but the tin can has all of my very few things that I have left. I’ve paired down so much, there’s no room left for any loss. If you’re the praying type, do me a favor; pray the tie down is stronger than the winds. Let me little labor of love, my vessel to happiness stay strong through the storm. In the meantime, I’m going to love on my sisters and embarrass their kids by the enthusiasm of love from their Aunt Muffy. 

Mental note: I need to make a poster to hold up tonight cheering on my favorite cheerleader. That’s cool right? All teenagers want a poster made declaring the love and support from their biggest fan in the stands, right! 

Stay safe y’all! We’ve got a day before landfall. 

Day 48 of WTH Am I Doing: Batten Down the Hatches

Looks like this is the week I get first hand experience of hurricanes vs tornados in trailer parks. 

Luckily, hurricanes give you way more heads up than tornadoes. Growing up in Alabama, Roll Tide y’all! I’ve had my fair share of tornadoes. I’ve experienced two hurricanes. Once in Destin at a Hilton. As far as natural disasters go, it was pretty great. We were all brought into the ballroom where they kept us fed and beveraged. The other time I was on a cruise ship in the middle of the ocean as the hurricane made its way by. After today, the cruise ship was way less stressful. 

Since I had some advance notice, last weekend I went over the corners and windows of the RV.When I say that I went over the corners and windows, I really mean The Mechanic Man did. In reality, I embraced the trailer park lifestyle. 

You’ll notice that I haven’t quite abandoned the bourbon Big Gulp cups. You know what they say about a little hair of the dog…

This morning, I woke up and remember the damn cat. Nowhere in my preparedness plan did I factor in that feline.  Mizzou, my pup, loves her cat. I made a mental note to plan to trap the dog’s outdoor cat after I lure her inside. Perhaps my indifference will draw her in. 

By afternoon the chaos started. The city shut down. No, for real. They’ve closed the all city offices for the rest of the week. Then the schools closed. Governor Haley announced that evacuation will begin tomorrow at 3pm. Interstate 26 will be reversed, all lanes are going out. Am I the only one who is like “what the what?!?” This whole evacuation, interstate reversal has me a little…y’all, I don’t even know. 

There’s a gas station across from the office, sure enough, LINES of people. It was only 4 and I managed to fill up without much of a wait. People had already started posting about stations running out of gas! Again, what the what!?! By the time I left the office late, the same gas station and everyone I passed going home, had at least 30 cars waiting in line. 

But what about my house blowing away, you ask? YEAH, THATS WHAT I KEEP ASKING. 

Looks like blowing away is only one of my concerns. My end of the trailer park FLOODS. So where the hell do I move the damn thing?! Even now I’m sitting in bumper to bumper traffic of evacuees. The RV runs, it isn’t up for this kind of long haul yet though.  If I move it out of the trailer park, I can’t attempt to tie it down. The Mechanic Man came up with a genius plan. People said to do over the top strap down. Dude, that’s a lot of strap. Instead, we (again, him, I just include myself to make me look active) are driving 4ft metal rods into the ground as anchors where we’ll attach it to the frame. Please God, do not let me white trash dwelling flip over or blow away. The RV is going to make moves towards an empty lot on the other end of the trailer park. No, there’s no power meter there either. I would have already made my way over there by now! 

The RV has to be moved tonight and anchored down. It’s cool enough out I can manage without power for the evening. 

But first, let me go to Home Depot. Legit, when I walked in that rack had plywood. I snapped this pic when I was checking out. Apparently, this lady for THE last generator in the store. All in all, Home Depot wasn’t that bad or crowded. Mostly people being idiots in the parking lot taking up 3 spots as they make a  mad dash for plywood. 

It’s an early post without the tie down, anchor my tin can down results. It might be a long night and I’d rather get some info in beforehand. After all, tomorrow is the big blog day! Hooray! 

Oh! Evacuation! Obviously, I’m not going to stay in the RV during the storm. No need to try and recreate witches on bicycles a la Wizard of Oz. I haven’t decided if I’m going or staying.  I’ve got a hotel room in Greenville and a couple of hurricane sleepover offers here. Priority #1 is secure the tin can. I’ll let everyone know after that! Stay safe y’all! 

How to Catch a Chicken: Get a Fishing Net 

If you’ve been following along, you know I had a big field trip to City Hall on Day 43 of WTH Am I Doing. As you all know, anything with government is lightening fast! Not really. It isn’t at all. It’s the exact opposite of that. The waiting has left me in what I’m calling “Building Limbo.” 

Finally after many, many hotel stays I made it back to the RV with kind of power. Even though some of the hotels were lovely, it was still extremely stressful. There was just too much unknown, too much hurry up and wait. Most definitely way too much not knowing where I would be the next night. Being back in the RV has been extremely comforting. Crazy how it’s beginning to feel like home. Must be the floors. Funny how not seeing the ground can be this reassuring. 

Getting back into my new safe zone of knowing where I’ll be each night and thinking of the RV as home, it freed up all kinds of head space. All the freed up life space and building limbo gave me the whole weekend to have new adventures and to slip back into my old life for a minute. It was very exciting. I showered, I put on a dress, I did normal things. My, how my standards have changed. But, I’m getting ahead of myself!

There’s been too much going on for me to have the chance to realize what all I’ve been missing. I miss Park Circle. All my favorite hangouts, my neighbors, the community as a whole. So I completely destroyed a burger over at Sesame in the old hood. Not being able to truly escape the land of tiny houses, I mapped out my day while attempting to eat every butter pickle they had. The afternoon,  I hit up some of the really amazing salvage places here in Charleston. It felt like I was on an HGTV show! 

First up, Carolina Building Materials and Salvage. It just so nifty. Not only can you score some amazing salvage pieces, it has this old school hardware store feel. I’m also especially attached to the old men there. If salvage isn’t for you, they have new as well. 

After a quick run through there, I made my way on over to Sustainable Warehouse. I’m not really sure what I would do with those humongous jars, I sure do want them though. They have a website, but their Facebook page is the way to go. They post all kinds of cool stuff as it comes in. Word to the wise, you see something you like, you better snag it before someone else does! Items go fast. This was my first time over to their new location. It’s way smaller than their old warehouse space, but like I said, their Facebook page is where it is at! 

Missing my community, I swung back over to the Circle for Palmetto Brewery’s welcome to the neighborhood Octoberfest. Not the best idea on my part. Approaching the event I saw tons of girls in their dresses ready for some day drinking. I miss the days of getting dressed from a closet instead of a Rubbermaid bin after a shower with indoor plumbing. My frumpiness has gotten out of hand. It’s perfectly acceptable for working on the RV, not so much for the social life I had been absent from for so long. 

My own little pity party started to get the best of me. Luckily, I complained to the exact right friend. A simple wish we were same state, same city was met with “I’ll see you in 5 hours.” Sometimes you’re graced with friends you’ve had all of time who just 100% get you. The ones that will look you straight in the eyes and say “you live in an RV in a trailer park. You’re completely insane, but I love that.” 

With new vigor, I actually got ready on a Saturday night armed with a new dress (mostly bc I don’t know where my dresses currently are) and a handle of bourbon.  Funny story, much like my dresses, I don’t know where my cups are and I didn’t have ice or even a way to keep ice cold. Giant slurpie cups from the gas station just seemed like the most logical solution. 

When you wake up the next day in an RV bunk after giant slurpie sized fun, you get a great view of all your wreckage. 

Tacos were needed stat. The weekend wasn’t over and there were more adventures in store. 

Sunday, I took my first trip to the Coastal Carolina Flea Market. Holy sensory overload, Batman! My original intentions were to find extension cords, that was a bust but I did make some mental notes of some booths to hit a little further into the build. 

Don’t you love those industrial light covers? Alas, like the giant glass jars, what would I do with them now? The best item of the weekend that I really had to hold myself back from were the potbellied pigs. Because really, what would I do with a potbellied pig? 

It was a mess of the senses with booths for stripper wear and tuxedos for rent to tires to the produce section, you could probably find just about anything there. 

Hands down, the BEST part were the chickens. One had escaped and I desperately wanted to see him cross the road. He must have escaped the fishing net. Oh, that doesn’t make any sense? Let me show you:​​

​​That’s right, she’s scooping the chickens up in a fishing net! So there you have it folks! You ever need to catch chicken? Get yourself a fishing net! 

Giveth & Taketh Away

That’s electricity! It was amazing! The AC was freezing! It’s all good with my 200 FEET of extension cords!  I was living it up! Then Saturday I come home to Mizzou being way too excited to see me. Turns out some mug unplugged my house. Dude! You can’t just unplug someone’s house!  Doubled up and […]